Work Introduction:#
This article is a novel work linked with YOASOBI's song "Umi no Manimani".
Written by Naoki Prize-winning author Mizuki Tsujimura.
It tells the story of a girl who runs away from home and her fantastical encounter with a girl in white, spending a night together (in a healthy sense).
Main Text:#
The electric train seems to stitch together the gaps of the night.
I stared blankly as the daylight flickered by outside the train window, disappearing from view.
I neither read a book nor looked at my tablet, not even listening to music.
For the first time, I experienced the feeling of just staring at the scenery for such a long time. Leaving the familiar city, the view outside the window gradually transformed into unfamiliar places.
The afternoon sunlight streaming through the window slowly turned orange and then gradually disappeared, as if it were being absorbed into the world of night. I gazed regretfully at the last beam of sunlight.
I fear this may be the last time I see the sunlight of day.
I will never return to this bright world. Perhaps I will never return to that familiar city again.
The yellow light from the window spilled into the train, gently tearing apart the high concentration of the black night world. I imagined myself never welcoming the morning light again. I felt lonely, yet incredibly calm and at ease. I no longer have to return to the world of morning, my daily life, that music room in junior high where I had no place to belong.
After night fell, the silhouettes of passengers in the train became sparse, and I bit my lip tightly. I had made the decision to put it into practice. I thought for a long time and finally boarded the train today. I will never go back. The thought of putting an end to everything today and having to go to school tomorrow made it hard for me to imagine going to school tomorrow.
The train arrived at a certain station.
This is a station where I had never gotten off before, a station whose name I heard for the first time. No one got off, and no one boarded. The lights of the sparse illumination on the deserted platform were beautiful. The night air was very clear, and compared to the night spent in my own city yesterday, the color of the air was completely different.
The unmanned train let out a whistle as it departed. Hearing this sound, I inhaled the uniquely high transparency of the air transitioning from summer to autumn, feeling a tightness in my chest.
The train departed. In the carriage, besides me, there was only a man in a salaryman-style suit sitting a little further away and an old lady with a shopping cart beside her. These two had been traveling with me for several stops, but they seemed to have completely ignored me. I felt embarrassed thinking about such things, and I stiffened my face. A junior high school student sitting alone on the train at this time would surely raise some concerns, right? The driver should have noticed. I had clearly decided never to go back, yet I found myself thinking about those things more than once just now.
I spent all my change to buy a ticket worth all my possessions.
I only bought a one-way ticket. I bought the longest distance ticket I could afford and boarded the train. When I left home, I turned off my phone. Now, my family might be in a frenzy. They might have already contacted my teachers and school. I imagined telling myself. I had no way back.
The train headed towards a distant place with no acquaintances, a place I had never been to before. Unbeknownst to me, the salaryman and the old lady disappeared, leaving only me as the passenger.
At that moment, the scenery suddenly disappeared from the opposite window.
The buildings and lights that had just flashed by vanished without a trace, only to reappear a few seconds later outside the window. Normally, I might not have thought anything of it. But I noticed. That might be the sea. The train had left the city where I was born and raised and arrived at the coastal area of the neighboring county.
Speaking of which, I had never seen the sea at night.
I just happened to have this thought. The ticket I bought with all my possessions had not yet taken me to the place where I intended to get off. However, on a whim, I got off the train.
This was a small station with only one staff member.
As soon as I got off, a whiff of salty sea air brushed past my nose. The damp and warm wind gently caressed my cheeks. This was a desolate city, with few streetlights around, and only the station's lights brightly shone towards the sky.
Indeed, no one noticed me, dressed in a uniform that would not appear here. I lowered my head and passed through the ticket gate. I only focused on my feet, walking on the old tiled road. With my backpack, I walked towards the sea that I had just seen from the train window.
In early September, the season transitioning from summer to autumn, it might no longer be suitable for swimming in the sea. The headlights of cars on the road repeatedly passed by me, and besides that, no one else brushed past me. Under the blowing sea breeze, the privately owned shops and diners hung rusted signs, and most of the shops had already closed their shutters.
I was just walking in the night of an unfamiliar city. Only the bright moon beside me chased after me, always following my side.
After a while, I heard the sound of waves.
The sound of waves crashing, as if guided by this sound, I kept stepping forward until I finally reached the road where I could see the sea. On the left side of the road were a row of shops and buildings, and right behind them was the beach and embankment.
While pondering whether I could see the sea closer, I continued forward and then discovered a wide open space without any buildings. This place, paved with white concrete and resembling a square, had barricade stones arranged at equal intervals facing the sea, which might have been a parking lot during the peak swimming season. On both sides were buildings with the words "Umi no Ie" written on them, but none of them had their lights on, nor was there any sign of life. This was not because they were out of season, but perhaps because they had already closed down and were no longer in operation.
I heard the sound of crashing waves and then felt someone calling out to me. The salty smell of the sea and the scent of the beach, which I had sensed since I stepped out of the station, became even more intense after hearing the sound of the waves. I looked down, and even in the dim visibility, I could vaguely see the shapes of the waves rolling in and retreating. Under the sparse streetlights nearby, the surface of the sea shimmered like fish scales.
I gripped the straps of my backpack tightly and stared at the sea for a while. I felt that ever since I boarded the train today, my mind had become incredibly clear, yet at the same time, a sense of unreality, as if I were in a dream, lingered in my heart.
I suddenly felt that I might directly enter the sea like this.
It might be very painful, but it would be the same no matter how I did it. Today, I managed to come this far to the seaside, perhaps just for this purpose.
While I was thinking, I turned my head to the side and then suddenly realized.
In a corner of the square, there was a place adorned with bouquets, right next to a utility pole. In a spot where the sea and beach could be clearly seen, there was a bouquet covered with a plastic bag. It was made up of cosmos and baby’s breath. It seemed to have been placed there not long ago, with a few flowers already wilted, and beside it were a milk tea can and a stuffed toy. There was also a firework packaging bag that looked like a remnant of summer.
I felt that someone might have died here. Was it due to a traffic accident or a drowning accident? Could it be—suicide—
Just as I was lost in thought.
“Hey, are you alone?”
A voice suddenly came from beside me.
I gasped in surprise and turned to look.
A girl stood there. She looked about my age, wearing a white dress. Her eyes seemed a bit lazy, perhaps because of her thick eyelids and the droop of the outer corners. Her long hair draped over her bare arms.
I didn’t know when she had come or how long she had been there.
She walked towards me, taking almost silent steps until she reached me.
“Alone?”
“Yes, alone...”
I was startled and nodded. She stared at my face, seemingly lost in thought, then nodded and said, “I see.” Her long black hair swayed as she did.
“What are you doing in a place like this?”
“Um...”
She hardly blinked, just stared at me intently. I felt overwhelmed by her gaze.
“I came to see the sea.”
I didn’t know how to respond, and suddenly blurted that out. The girl stared at me for a long time without any courtesy, then mumbled, “Oh.”
I felt that this girl was dressed very lightly. In this period when summer was about to end, she wore a sleeveless dress. She must be from around here, but despite being in a seaside town, there were no tan lines on her body, and her bare arms glowed pale under the moonlight.
“I mean, what are you doing at this hour...”
When I left the station, the last time I saw the clock, the hands had passed nine o'clock at night. It felt like she was interrogating me, so I asked her back, but she just shook her head silently.
Starting with “Ah, me...” she began to speak.
“I had a fight with my mom, and I came to get rid of the evidence.”
“Huh?”
“My room is a mess, so my mom got mad today. She told me not to sleep until I cleaned it up. I tidied up little by little by myself, and then I found this.”
She pulled something out from behind her. I hadn’t noticed when she first greeted me, but she was holding a huge flat bag. The bag had the words “Fireworks Set” written on it.
“I bought it two years ago and forgot to set it off. Although it’s something from a long time ago, it contains gunpowder, so it wouldn’t be good to just throw it away, right? If my mom saw it, she would probably get even angrier, so I thought I could just get rid of it. So, I ran away from home.”
“Oh...”
I didn’t know how to respond, instinctively distancing myself from her. At one end of the square, there was the beach right below, yet there were no railings at all. I thought it was dangerous and suddenly glanced at the place where the bouquets were placed. From here, it was blocked by the utility pole, making it hard to see clearly.
However, I had a strange feeling.
I felt that the fireworks that had just been offered together with the bouquets had disappeared. The flat firework bag that the girl was holding seemed to have been offered there. Or perhaps I just didn’t see it because it was blocked by the utility pole.
“Ah, what to do.”
She spoke suddenly, as if she were in a headache.
“I was planning to set off fireworks, but I forgot to bring matches or a lighter.”
“Ah, I have one. Do you want to use it?”
Hearing the girl’s words, I suddenly remembered the lighter I had put in my backpack and replied. Her face lit up with joy.
“Huh, can I?”
I nodded and walked up to her—then at that moment I finally realized.
She was barefoot.
I felt an invisible current pass through my neck. The temperature hadn’t dropped compared to just now, yet my back felt cold.
On the cement square by the sea, she was not wearing shoes.
“Hey—this won’t light at all!”
She opened the fireworks she took out from the bag, complaining in dissatisfaction.
The bag contained a thin candle used to light the fireworks, so I stood the candle on the cement ground and lit it with the lighter. Since I rarely used a lighter, I couldn’t get it to light at first, and just when I was puzzled, the girl said, “Give me the lighter,” rubbed her fingers vigorously, and lit the candle.
However, the crucial fireworks just wouldn’t light. When I held the firework head to the flame, only the flame flickered at the front of the firework stick, and I didn’t see a single spark fly out.
“Could it be damp... after all, it’s been a long time.”
Listening to her lonely voice, my attention had just fallen on the shadow of the utility pole. Were the offering fireworks still there? If the fireworks the girl was holding were indeed the ones placed there, then it would be normal for them not to light. In a place without a roof, exposed to the wind and rain, even gunpowder would get damp.
“I say...”
“Hmm?”
I asked her, who spoke calmly. My heart was racing.
“The bouquet over there, is it because someone died?”
“Which one?”
“The one over there, behind the utility pole. There are many flowers and a unicorn stuffed toy.”
“Oh...”
She nodded slowly but didn’t look towards the bouquet or the utility pole, instead taking out a new firework and preparing to light it.
“I heard that a few years ago, there was some kind of accident.”
“—Could it be that a girl died?”
“Why do you say that?”
“The stuffed toy, the milk tea can... it feels like these are all girls' things.”
“Hmm.”
She nodded. Taking out a new firework, she looked at me and said.
“Indeed, it seems very much like a girl.”
“What kind of accident, a drowning accident?”
“Hmm.”
A gust of wind blew, causing the candle flame to flicker and suddenly extinguish. Her eyes still didn’t look towards the bouquet. She stared intently at my face and spoke in a whisper.
“Yes, she died because of a drowning accident.”
I swallowed hard to avoid being discovered by her.
In the next moment, her face returned to a comical expression, and she said, “Ah, it went out,” then reached for the lighter and lit it again decisively.
I looked at her and then at her shadow.
After all, I had heard in various stories that the dead have no shadows.
However, the area illuminated only by the streetlights and moonlight was dim, and the shadows of the buildings on both sides vaguely pressed down, making it impossible to see if there was a shadow beneath her feet. I looked down at my own feet, and even the edges of my own shadow were indistinct.
After trying several fireworks, she let out a puff of breath.
“Hey, no way, I can’t light even the sparklers, this is ridiculous!”
“...They must have all gotten damp, right? Maybe it’s better not to set them off?”
“Hey, I don’t want to! I want to try them all out. I feel so unwilling.”
The way her white dress swayed seemed fairy-like, light and dreamy, and I even felt she was too light. She took out a new firework from the bag and handed one to me.
“Shall we set them off together?”
I didn’t answer her, but under her insistence, I took the firework. I squatted down like she did, bringing the end of the firework close to the flame of the candle.
However, the firework didn’t produce a single spark.
We faced each other, pointing the fireworks towards the flame, and then she spoke.
“By the way, can I ask you a question?”
“Hmm.”
“Did you run away from home?”
The short candle began to drip wax as it flickered in the swaying flame. I didn’t dare to look at her, focusing all my attention on the tip of the firework—I pretended to be calm, but inside, my heart was pounding.
“Why do you ask that?”
“It feels like you’re wearing a uniform—yet it’s not from a school nearby, so you must have run out directly after school.”
I pretended to be calm and asked her back, but unexpectedly, she answered me with a serious expression.
“A junior high school student?”
“Hmm...”
“Is that so? I’m also a junior high school student.”
I nodded, then regretted it, wishing I had at least said I was a high school student. However, hearing her say she was also a junior high school student made me feel relieved that I hadn’t lied.
I felt that tonight was the first time I experienced such a thick night. The first night spent in an unfamiliar city. I felt that now I could ask.
“Um, can I ask a question too?”
“Sure, what do you want to ask?”
“You’re not a ghost, are you?”
My lips trembled slightly; I meant to say “ghost,” but it came out as “gho...” with a prolonged sound. However, upon hearing this, her mouth curled into a slight smile. She asked me the question I had asked her back.
“Why do you ask that?”
I couldn’t answer. I didn’t dare to keep staring at her bare white feet. She asked again.
“Why do you feel that way?”
“It’s so late, and you’re dressed so lightly, and—”
I tried to explain. Generally, I would think it impossible for there to be any ghosts. In fact, I had never seen a ghost before.
But now, perhaps there are ghosts. Maybe I had attracted a ghost.
If I had to say why, it was because I was very close to “death” right now.
“Um, let me ask one more question.”
Even if I called her a ghost, she didn’t show any signs of wavering, gave up on the firework she was about to light, casually placed it on the cement ground, and picked up another firework. She placed the firework on the flame and asked another question.
“Are you planning to die?”
My head felt as if it had been struck by a strong wind, shaking violently. My lips pressed tightly together, hoarsely uttering a counter-question, “Why do you ask that?” But she clearly heard this weak, hoarse counter-question. She didn’t look at me, only stared at the tip of the firework as she answered.
“Just now, when you took out the lighter, I saw ropes and knives in your backpack. The blade seemed to be wrapped in a towel; that must be a knife, right?”
In response to her question, I remained silent. She continued.
“Could it be that the lighter is also meant for that kind of thing? You clearly don’t know how to light a fire, yet you’re holding something like that, which raises suspicion.”
She spoke as if she were singing, lifting her head, no longer looking at the firework, and locking eyes with me.
“If you plan to burn yourself with the lighter, it would be very painful.”
I felt—she was wrong.
I hadn’t decided how to die yet. Although I had brought a knife and rope, I wasn’t sure if I had the courage, so it felt like a precaution. If I were to do it—I planned to find a place to jump.
“No.”
I finally spoke up. She squatted down to my level, holding the firework, silently staring at me.
“The lighter is supposed to be... used when I plan to give up.”
As I spoke, I realized that it was like this.
I had taken the lighter used for lighting incense in my grandmother’s altar and put it in my bag. I thought I had just collected items that reminded me of the word “death,” but it turned out that was how I thought. What giving up? At this moment, I was still thinking about such things. I suddenly realized that if I wanted the letter to disappear completely, rather than tearing it up or throwing it away, I would need a lighter. I hadn’t discarded that possibility yet.
I had clearly made such a strong resolution, yet I was still stunned when I realized my thoughts.
She spoke calmly and clearly.
“Don’t do that.”
Those eyes, not blinking at all, looked at me seriously through the flame.
“It’s very painful.”
“But, but...”
My throat trembled, and my shoulders felt hot.
I could hardly remember when I first felt strange. When I felt strange, everything had already changed, and it had become a luxury to think of returning to my previous daily life. From the first semester to the time I entered summer vacation, I could still endure it, but when school reopened, every day became so oppressive that it suffocated me, making me feel that I could no longer bear it.
“It’s you, isn’t it?”
“It’s what you said, right?”
I clearly said I didn’t know, and I clearly resisted saying it wasn’t me, yet no one listened to me, and the friends in the club who accused me of being too much just gave me a meaningful glance and awkwardly left me. By the time I noticed, no one was around me.
The classmates in my class also unknowingly learned about what happened to me in the club, and then I gradually felt suffocated in the classroom. I felt—people were laughing at me. That girl was the one who had a fight with someone. It would be best not to get involved with her. It was okay to laugh at her.
I went to find the teacher and said I wanted to quit the club, and then the seniors and those girls told me.
“Are you trying to escape?”
“It’s clearly your fault, and you still want to escape?”
“If you are reflecting, then show it with your attitude. Show us what you can do. Why are you trying to escape? You are the one who hurt us.”
As long as I saw the wind instrument I once loved so much, as long as I heard the sound, my heart would become painful, my heartbeat would start to accelerate, and I would hear sounds behind me, as if everyone’s voices were chasing me, and my fingers holding the clarinet would tremble—at that time, I began to think.
I was not wrong. So I had to let you all see. In the world after I die and disappear, you all should reflect. You should imagine what kind of feelings I had, feel the pain, and be pointed at by various people.
My oblivious mom and dad would surely be heartbroken because I disappeared today. Just thinking about this made my heart feel like it was being torn apart. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—. I imagined again and again that my mom would be very sad after learning that her child was hated by everyone.
After I die, someone might mention the word “bullying.” But I wasn’t bullied. I was hated by everyone, unknowingly. Being close to me would make people lose face; this kind of thing tormented me.
“I have made up my mind. I must do it today. Because I can’t go back. I can’t imagine going back home again, nor can I imagine going back to school again. I have finally mustered the courage to come this far; if I don’t succeed today, I won’t be able to make up my mind again.”
I no longer have to return to the world of daylight—I thought this as I gazed at the scenery flowing outside the train window with reluctance today. This was also my first time at the seaside at night. So I no longer wanted to go back. After returning, I would repeat every day like that, just repeating every day, whether tomorrow or the day after, I would have to live in that place every day, and just thinking about it almost made me scream.
But—
“Don’t do that. At least not today.”
The girl said in front of me. We had just met, yet she looked at me with serious eyes. I thought no one would look at me directly anymore. Her gaze glanced to the side.
“If you get through today, something might change.”
“That’s impossible. Nothing will change.”
“Aren’t you coming this far for the first time?”
Her tone suddenly became stern.
“Since you can come here, you will be fine. Don’t do that.”
“But...!”
My throat hurt, as if someone was choking me, and I shouted loudly with a crying tone, just at that moment.
My hand—suddenly burst into light.
A sharp sound exploded, and dazzling light suddenly appeared in the darkness. The firework was ignited, shooting out long sparks like a comet tail from my hand.
“Huh?”
“Huh!”
Both the girl and I exclaimed in surprise. I threw away what I had just said and then,
“Wow—!”
“Wow—!!
We both exclaimed “wow” in excitement.
“It lit up!”
The sparks scattered, spraying more and more fiercely, emitting dazzling light.
The sound of waves that had been ringing in my ears disappeared, replaced by the sound of flames bursting.